Lessons on flying

from the viewpoint of a 4 year old:

1. Hold your little sister's hand and dart in-between people when boarding. Sneak your way to the front of the jetway and then disappear into the depths of the plane. Scare the flight attendant to death (why are there 2 little kids unaccompanied on this plane?!).

2. Insist that you are thirrrrrrsty from the instant you get on the plane and for the next 20 minutes. Don't "understand" when mom tries to explain how FAA regulations now prohibit her from bringing along 2 juice boxes and a cup of milk for each child.

3. Use scotch tape to tape up your mouth and then pretend your parents did it to you.

4. When the drink cart finally comes around, drink through the airlines entire supply of orange juice.

5. Go to the bathroom (needing help-OF COURSE). Return to seat. Go to the bathroom (needing help-OF COURSE). Return to seat. Go to the bathroom (needing help-OF COURSE). Return to seat.

6. Go through the nice bag of toys your mother packed and dump most of said toys out. Do not pick up any toys that landed on the ground. Whine when the ones that slid under your seat are nowhere to be found. Make your mother bend herself into knots (and come close to vomiting) trying to locate these yard-sale toys.

7. Turn the fan on full-blast to yourself and your mother. Stand on your chair and "blow dry" your hair. Encourage your little sister to do the same.

8. Under no circumstances should you sleep. It does not matter if you got up at 4:00am or that the rest of your family is trying desperately to sleep. Do not allow shut eye!